Hidden Tigress, Dancing Dragon

I stood at the edge of the cliff. Hundreds of feet below, the ocean was pounding the shore. Above, strikes of lightning torching the night sky.

I felt electric. Dancing on the edge of the cliff to feel alive again. To hear my heart beat below the stars in the crash of waves, to feel my body burn in the summer wind.

The divorce had left me angry and I had come to the island of Ibiza, Spain to heal. I had so much pent up hurt, resentment, rage and frustration inside. How could I express it all? My anger felt like a dangerous fire to keep pouring water on, rather than a powerful flame of embodied passion that could be channeled in healthy ways.

There was a tigress inside me roaring to come out. She was angry I played so small and stuck to the confining roles of wife, daughter, friend and worker. “There’s so much more of who you are. You’re going to be happy,” she said. “But first I’m going to make you strong.”

I pivoted off my toes, slowed down spinning and caught my breath. I fell to my knees in the red earth, tears pouring out and lay my heart on the ground. My whole body pulsed and vibrated, convulsed and spontaneously orgasmed for what felt like hours.

When I woke up, all was a blur. The cobalt blue ocean crashed with waves in a vast night of lightning. My body was still humming with heat. I had one desire. To channel this fierce fire I was feeling. Use the anger. Stop the bleeding.

I began training. Running 12 km on a long ocean road along the shimmering ocean, sand dunes and salt flats. Every day, four days a week, I ran towards the setting sun and absorbed his tiger fierce rays.

Running wasn’t enough. My body wanted another kind of movement. I wanted to dance again. I was ready to take my passion and whirl it into the sky like comet.

Every day I listened and experimented with new music: Balearic chill out, downtempo, jungle house, fusion, Oriental, Bellydance, Egyptian, Turkish, Sufi, Indian Classical and tribal. I studied various Goddesses of the world, their roles and ancient dances danced long ago to revere and worship sacred feminine power. I filled my home with music, dance, Egyptian tambourines, red veils and jewelry. I took belly dancing classes and studied hundreds of dance videos entranced with women who moved in the ways of the serpent, snaking, charming, spinning and hypnotizing.

When I danced, the heat I had first felt on the cliffs continued pulsing up my spine and through my body, bursting from my hips and breasts. The sensual energy carrying electrical currents all the way up into the crown of my head and then the miracle.

My mouth opened to the sky, opened to my own nectar and sweetness. I opened to taste the light of my ecstasy.

This was the gift. To taste my own light again. To revel in ancient Kundalini, dragon energy; fierce feminine, sexual and sacred power.

As I prepared my body, rehearsed and promoted myself, the word spread around the region. There was a new dancer in town. Soon I was invited by experimental musicians and DJ’s to dance to their sacred music. Some nights I performed as the sensual Goddess Saraswati, dancing like a swan in her golden temple garden filled with oranges and the scent of Neroli.

Other nights I would channel Salome and breathe seduction, moving like a serpent; soft and slow through black silk, veils and golden coins. Many times I would dance along side of the fierce Kali, on my tiger, dressed in red, beating my feet in the ground with thunderous strokes, flying through the air, cutting through illusion with my warrior arms.

I danced the dances of the forbidden Goddesses – Lilith and Mary Magdalene and I set their ancient stories free within me.

Through all of this creative exploration, I felt my creativity grow and my sacred sensual power touch my heart. My feminine wisdom soared to new heights.

I channeled the dancing into a brand and anointed my creation with the name Sacred Dance Ibiza. I created holistic beauty events and partnered with luxury hotels and villas to create beautiful events and oriental concepts. Once such concept was 1001 Nights at the Balinese sanctuary in the heart of Ibiza called Atzaro.

Every Monday night, I curated a collective of dancers, musicians, tablaists, hookah lounge, fashion and jewelry souk all beneath the twinkling stars. And this time I spun magical tales as the storyteller, Shcerezade.

It was crucial for me to dance the stories of these great women who came from grand histories of ancient power. I learned it was okay to be angry, scared and betrayed from losing a marriage a husband, but I had to get out there again, open up, love, make mistakes, get strong and start all over.

When I danced with these Goddesses, I danced with my Shadow and with loss.

I danced with my sister, the one I forgot but who never let me forget my power. She held all my primal memories, instincts and strength within her. When I connected with that forbidden part of myself, I set her free with my sweet embrace.

The more I danced with her, the more I opened. I kissed my own heart and hurts. No more fear, denial and shame. This is what was holding me back, The loss of a home, a career, a marriage, a city, a lifestyle, a circle of friends, everything I had built. Deep loss. It was time to let it all go.

Through doing what I loved most, through dance and honoring the wild woman within, I healed my wounded feminine from the shackles of shame. She had been denied her birthright of joy and abundance. I held her, loved her and accepted her. I released old patterns of victimhood and stayed in my feminine flow to feel the woman buried within.

Shakti asked me to destroy all that was no longer serving me. Shakti asked me to bring the ancient woman back and honor her in the modern world. She asked me to dance with all my power and create a new temple within my body. To create a new world through art, beauty, grace and abundance.

In channeling the stories of the Goddess, their majesty, grace, beauty and power, I learned who I really was.

I am many things – woman, lover, warrior, priestess, daughter, friend, healer, dancer, author, entrepreneur, teacher, business woman, Queen of my desires and Creatrix of my life.

Sometimes, when I look back on that star-filled night and a girl who wanted to dive off the cliffs like a supernova, I smile. She is the part of me who will never let me forget my magic, power and magnificence. She will always push me past the edge into an ocean of fire. She will set the tiger loose, she will unleash the dragon. She will fly into the unknown and taste the light of her own ecstasy.