The gift of being able to transmit grace, unconditional love and healing energy, is known in the East as Shakti. ~ Leslie Temple Thurston

It’s been a common pattern for me to consider myself a “spiritual person” and to intellectually get that “we’re all one” while at the same time shun my ego and other parts of myself that I claim are “not me.”

Then I look at what parts of my personality were shunned by my parents or by the society. I chose to express the parts of me that were shunned and shamed or repressed in my ancestral line and instead be the flower blossoming from the roots of my ancestral tree. And become the story I was born to live, not the story I was born to. Thereby becoming the fruit, no longer forbidden, but blossoming and flowering, 84 thousand lotus petals shining open.

I am discovering that my true self is an artist and that I’m constantly creating myself, ever so fluid, turning this way and that way, exploring here and there, creating something new, dying to what once was and creating again. Always in a state of becoming.

In my search, I have discovered the seeker within is an artist. She has been searching for creativity. The Shakti that lives within. The Shakti that creates eternity.

My search has been about experiencing opposites and eventually coming into wholeness. Moving through those opposites and duality have allowed my small self to expand into a larger Self that can hold space for all of these dualities and feel a deep experience of life.

In my transformation process since 2020, I have completed various stages in traditional alchemy – calcination, dissolution, conjunction and fermentation. I’m currently in a chrysalis. A space of integration that has come because I have accepted the pieces of myself that were once shunned. I spent too much energy in repressing the “undesired” parts of myself. And these undesired parts like shame, rejection, humiliation and victimhood that I held in my body have been set free. Liberated.

I had identified with the thing that family and society had shunned in me once, and I allowed it to destroy me. It is not the not identifying with that rejected thing as part of me that destroys – it is that I have agreed that it should be rejected, and I continue to hold onto it while also rejecting it. The conflict is within me and so it all must be destroyed, each ego layer that holds up the other ego layers.

This inner destruction is necessary and I allow it. l know I will emerge from the wreckage with a new level of consciousness based on more awareness, wisdom and emotional availability for new experiences.

What’s being destroyed?

As I surrender the ego-layers and psychological wounds, I’m moving from a wounded child sub-self to a an empowered, nurtured adult. That means no longer being guided by a wounded child that sabotages and instead allow myself to be guided by my true, wise self.

Old self…(wounded)

The need to control
The need to judge
The need to defend
All coping mechanisms to protect my inner child from attack and conflict.
And from feeling helpless and powerless.

New belief/new pathway —> I AM A QUEEN, I HAVE INNER POWER

The need to compare
The need for sex and attention to feel worthy
Unworthiness and victimhood wounds coming from my wounded princess. From gifts not being nurtured and never feeing good enough. Not able to express my soul gifts.

New belief/new pathway —> I AM SOVEREIGN AND DIVINELY WORTHY. I AM NURTURED AND SUPPORTED TO EXPRESS MY UNIQUE GIFTS.

The need to analyze and
The need to ruminate and play back past failures
Comes from attachment to victim template not trusting the Universe has my back, is benevolent and abundant and is always working through me and for me. Switch to creation template of Grail Queens.

New belief/new pathway —> THE UNIVERSE IS BENEVOLENT AND ABUNDANT AND IS ALWAYS WORKING THROUGH ME AND FOR ME. I CREATE NOW THROUGH THE TEMPLATE OF THE GRAIL QUEENS.

What’s being created?

New self emerging…(nurtured)

I am sovereign and I am a Queen
Gifts nurtured and I am fully supported in nurturing environments
Life has meaning through art.
Cocoon of spirituality, silence, prayer, meditations, music, journaling
Self-love, self-soothing and self- care
Knowing my worth, not having to prove myself
Slowing down and relaxing
Mature feminine queen is supported
Less distortions
Less reacting
Feel the Universe guiding, loving and helping me ascend
Learning about sovereignty
Shifting from neediness to purpose

As I learn to create new pathways from my new beliefs, I’m shifting from neediness to purpose. My life is becoming more meaningful and full of joy, hope and creation. I feel supported and nurtured by life as I walk up the stairway of consciousness that Dr. David Hawkins has so beautifully mapped. These new beliefs and new pathways open the door at every gate and allow my heart to awaken so I can receive the truth and the light and remember who I am and why I came.. to express my true nature, be oneness and share unconditional love and acceptance with all.

New belief/new pathway —> I AM A QUEEN, I HAVE INNER POWER
New belief/new pathway —> I AM SOVEREIGN AND DIVINELY WORTHY. I AM NURTURED AND SUPPORTED TO EXPRESS MY UNIQUE GIFTS.
New belief/new pathway —> THE UNIVERSE IS BENEVOLENT AND ABUNDANT AND IS ALWAYS WORKING THROUGH ME AND FOR ME. I CREATE THROUGH THE TEMPLATE OF THE GRAIL QUEENS.
Learning about sovereignty
Creation through regeneration
Grail Queen codes
Recovering the lineage of the lost goddess

The wounds shed like a tree, like a snake, like Mother Nature, all energy is destroyed, recycled and regenerated. Nothing ever stays fixed or stagnant.

Shakti flowing…

The gift of being able to transmit grace, unconditional love and healing energy, is known in the East as Shakti.

~ Leslie Temple Thurston

Stay tuned for more updates to my transformation in Part 2….